Right after the calendar turned to 2019 the diet and weight loss challenges & ads were everywhere. Then, shortly afterwards, identity seemed to be a popular topic.

So, I figured now is a good time to launch a series I've been holding on to for a little while.
 
First let me disclose that I have held onto a very negative body image since grade school. Seriously. Due to many circumstances that were beyond my control, I was aware very early in life that I did not look like the girls on TV or in magazines. By middle school I had developed a completely negative body image regarding my weight, skin, hair, you name it, I didn’t like it. It took a lot of time and hard work to reach a place where I could say I loved myself and my body, yet there was always an extra 10 pounds or flaw to cover up.
 
Fast forward to motherhood and boom. I didn't gain too much weight during pregnancy with my eldest and I lost most of it quickly after he was born. But then the cycle of depression, weight gain, negative body image, more depression, more weight gain set in. Once I started taking medication I started eating poorly and in larger quaintly. And while my general mood was stable, my negative body image kept me from exercising or taking better care of myself. 
 
I lived in this pattern for the greater part of a decade.
 
Around my youngest child's first birthday, I sought a new psychiatrist, and began taking new medications. This switch and more precise diagnosis lifted the fog. I was motivated and ready to be healthy. I began eating better, but I still struggled with body image and I attributed it to my complete disdain for exercising. Until a mom's outing opportunity presented itself. 
 
I was invited and attended a pole dance fitness class with a group of local moms. At last I enjoyed getting sweaty and earning sore muscles and was having fun working out. I decided to jump into a membership and began taking more classes. I became determined to get stronger through this amazing method of strength training. 
 
I also unexpectedly met the most incredible welcoming, inclusive and body positive people I have ever met. No one in pole class cares about your size or your stretch marks. In fact, they will cheer you on and encourage you to love your body.
 
I realized that I had found a key to my own wellness through pole fitness and started to wonder how many others there were like me. Turns out there are plenty. I was added to several social media groups and became friends with women who shared their own journeys towards a positive body image with pole dance and many disclosed their own struggle with postpartum depression and anxiety. 
 
I learned about professional athletes and instructors like Cleo The Hurricane, who have spoken up for women and encouraged them to be proud of their bodies, especially as moms. 
  
I was further inspired by the courageous woman that declared "I let go of self judgment and felt the weight of the past few years falling away" as she shared her recovery from a traumatic cesarean and feelings of doubt and failure as a mother.
 
And as an added bonus, I learned about Pole for a Purpose, Inc! How cool is this, a nonprofit organization built by pole dance and aerial fitness enthusiasts to help other nonprofits.  I was so impressed with the performances at their most recent showcase. The art, strength, beauty and positivity were out of this world. Then to add to the ice cream sundae of awesomeness, they designated a portion of their event proceeds to The Seventh Mom Project Inc.!
I can’t tell you how fun it is to see the melding of my fellow umbrella holders and my pole family, and yes, the local pole community is really like a family. Collecting diapers for moms in need and cheering each other on to just keep climbing the pole and through motherhood. 
 
I share this with you today for two reasons. First because I want everyone to know it's ok to have feelings about your body and self-image but it's better to turn the negative thoughts into positive encouragement. 
 
Second, find your passion. Wherever or whatever it is, if you have an old hobby from your pre-baby days or are curious about a new one, go ahead and explore it. Your worth as a mother is in no way lessened by celebrating the different parts of your identity outside of motherhood. 
 
Until next time,
 
Rebecca

Motherhood is not my identity.
 
Maternal mental health is not my identity.
 
Hi, my name is Rebecca, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with maternal mental illness.
 
I fight from a place of victory over anxiety and OCD with intrusive thoughts as well as depression. I happen to also be married with 5 living children at home and I co-founded a really cool organization.
 
I want you to pay close attention to how I have chosen to introduce myself. How I identify myself.  Through my own journey through the darkness I have found that we place so much emphasis on our identity, but we often misplace our identity at the same time.
 
Now some of our readers may not be familiar with Christian scripture so let me give you a quick rundown.
 
Believers follow the scripture:

Galatians 2:20 English Standard Version (ESV)
20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
 
Now that's not to say that I am not a mother because I most certainly am but it's not my identity and it took a lot of heart ache for me to realize that. 
 
The turmoil happened in a different way with each child, but I'll use the birth of my 4th the one who well got me started on this path. 
 
At the time I was a home schooling, Christian, crunchy mom. A cloth diapering, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, home-birthing mom. This was my identity. I went to church and had a strong relationship with my church family, but I misunderstood where my identity truly was. When my planned home birth didn't go as I expected, I felt a loss of identity. I felt like a failure. I didn't belong in my natural birth community anymore because I didn't have my natural home birth. I had a cesarean under general anesthesia. To add to the loss of self, when I had breast feeding problems, my identity as a breastfeeding mom was taken away. When I needed to place my oldest child in public school, for the sake of my mental health at the time, another identifier was stripped away from me.
 
All of these events exacerbated the distress. I saw them as an identity crisis.
 
Have you ever introduced yourself to someone or met someone new and when you asked them the question "what do you do" they answered with a "I am" statement? Perhaps someone has said to you "Hey what do you do for a living" and your reply has been "I am a teacher; I am a stay-at-home mom; I am an account executive". All of these “I am” answers, but the question was what you do, not who you are.
 
So why do we place our identity in being a mom or in my case a mental mom?
 
Your identity is who you are and being a mother is such a huge part of who you are, but it doesn't take away who you were before, or you will become. 
 
Maybe it's time we stopped building women up throughout pregnancy to replace herself with this new identity. It seems once the full transition has occurred, and new moms feel lost, we fail to offer quality support. We need to quit trying to change their identity, and simply support people where they are and as who they are from the get go.
 
You see when you place your identity in what you do and what you do doesn't go the way you expected, or it's taken away from you, whether by choice or by tragedy, you’re set up for an identity crisis.
 
Of course, let's face it, becoming a new mom can be an identity crisis in its own. Whether one is a new mom for the first time or the sixth time, there must be support for this transition.
 
I have found that if my identity isn't solid in my beliefs and in line with Jesus Christ as my higher power, I am going to have an identity crisis. Thus, it is important for motherhood and faith to be able to be entwined with the person so as not to lose portions of self. Pastors, women's ministry leaders, and moms group directors, I'm calling you out specifically right now: take the time to remind the moms you are working with that their identity is so much more than just “mother”. Remind them of their true identity and encourage them through motherhood to embrace the main parts of their identity.
 
If you are not a Christian, take note of your use of “I am”.
Is it really who you are or is there so much more to you?
I bet there is a lot more.
 
You are beautiful. You matter. You are not alone in this identity crisis. 
 
Love, Rebecca
 
 
 
 
Editors Note:
The Seventh Mom Project, Inc. is excited to support moms where they are at. We are currently running a SISTER Mom training to help other women discover how they can provide mentorship to our fellow moms. Following the Pilot, one of our SISTER Mom graduates, Sarah, has decided to start leading a Faith Based Mom Support group!

For moms that feel this would meet their needs: 
Tuesday, February 5th @ 10:30 AM @ Relevant Church Tampa, 1705 N 16th St Tampa, FL 33605


The Seventh Mom does not discriminate, and we hope to spread maternal mental health support groups to every corner of Tampa Bay. We would love to see a group for every mom. Groups that can meet the needs for the wonderful diversity of mothers in our community. If you are interested in completing the SISTER Mom Training and running your own support group, please contact Elizabeth at good.doula@gmail.com.

​Hello Tampa,

If you are following us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you may have noticed that the the Flamingos are coming​ and you are probably wondering, "What's with the big pink birds?" 

While running is great for your mental and physical health, we also fully believe in the power of laughter, so for some summertime fun... the Flamingos are coming.

Come June 1st, for your amazing donation of $25 and the completion of a Flocking Order, we will be glad to say thanks by migrating our flock of pink lawn flamingos to the yard you have chosen. The dwellers will then have the opportunity to make a donation as well and send the flamingos to another place to roost. Who doesn't love a good summer prank?

Now if you're worried about getting flocked, don't worry we are also going to be offering Flamingo Insurance Policies. For a $20 donation, you can secure you very own Flamingo Insurance Policy that will prevent your lawn from getting flocked. (This is a great investment if you live in an HOA and/or do not want to be flocked repeatedly). 

So here is the scoop on Flamingo Insurance Policy. With Give Day Tampa Bay upon us. we are feeling giving ourselves. One of our #GiveDayTB18 goals is to have the most unique donations during the hours of 11 a.m. through 1 p.m. So for those hours only, Flamingo Insurance will be discounted to $15.  Anyone who makes this donation during this double lunch hour will not be able to be flocked from May 1st, 2018-April 30th 2019.  It is the ultimate protection from Flamingo Flocking. 

We will also be collecting donations and taking reservations for Flocking on May 1st. Following Give Day Tampa Bay, we will create our Flocking schedule and be sure to let you know when the Flamingo Flock you've sponsored will arrive during throughout the summer. All Flocking will be completed by July 31st.

Questions? Feel free to fly them over to our in box at 7thmomproject@gmail.com

As always, hold the umbrella, because you never know what might be raining down.

-Rebecca

When moms contact me, questioning their emotional roller coasters during pregnancy or during their postpartum year, I always start back at the basics. The Steps to Wellness were developed by Jane Honikman, founder of PEP and later Postpartum International.  More than thirty years later, they are just as relevant to all people, especially new parents.

Today I am going to review the first 3 steps.  They are so blatantly simple, but so often overlooked by new parents as the demands of a new little one take their toll. 

If you are a new parent, and you haven't been taking the time to rest or eat, please do!  It will serve you and your family well to be fed and rested. 

Next week I will review steps 4-6. 


-Elizabeth 

In January, Rebecca traveled to the state capitol to support the Maternal Mental Health Advocacy Day. She could not share what legislation like SB 138 could have meant for her motherhood journey at the event, but below she is sharing her testimony.. 

To learn more about SB 138 click here. 


"​My name is Rebecca Hartley-Woods and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ, lifetime Floridian and mother to 5 amazing children.

With regards to Senate Bill 138 and the desire for public health information regarding perinatal mood disorders, I would like to share that I was a public health worker while pregnant with my eldest son and even though I networked with multiple community and governmental agencies serving women of childbearing age, no one warned me about or screened me for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. 

I know "what if" is often a pointless exercise and yet I wonder if this bill had been inplace perhaps my life would've been very different. 

During my pregnancy in 2007 and 2008 I lived with what I now know was prenatal anxiety. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me and I feared reaching out. 

By the time my son was two weeks old I had recurring visions of terrifying things such as my baby drowning in the bathtub or dropping him down the stairs.  I found traffic horrifying as I often envisioned a terrible crash when my son was in the car.

Working 40 plus hours a weak providing education and services in a public health setting, all the childbirth and newborn classes, not even community programs I participated in prepared me for the maternal mental health crisis I would endure.

I did not speak up about the scary thoughts that I now know where intrusive thoughts, a symptom of my postpartum anxiety because I feared seeking help. I was afraid of my son being taken away.

I dropped the coursework I had been enrolled in, isolated from friends, busied myself in work and spent as little time as possible with my baby thinking he was safer with others and what a terrible mother I was for thinking these terrible things.

I was afraid to speak up because I feared loosing my son. This is important to note because the bill in its current form is lacking language regarding DCF.

While pregnant with my 4th child in 2014 I sought help. I was visited by child protective investigators not once but twice after seeking professional help. Sadly, the investigators had no resources or help to offer other than apologies for erroneous reports and the waste of my time and theirs.

Moving forward to 2017, for the first time in 7 pregnancies over 11 years I was screened at a postpartum check up following the birth of my 5th living child. I cannot recall the number of obstetricians, community agency workers, out of hospital midwives and other maternal health professionals who I have seen over the years.  But I can tell you about the 1 time I was screened for a postpartum mood disorder at a postpartum appointment. 

Had this bill been in place many years ago,  I might have completed school on time, not left my job causing financial strain that ultimately led to filing bankruptcy. Had I found appropriate treatment in a timely manner I might have not missed my only sister's wedding because I couldn't get in a car with my baby without having a panic attack. 

Had this bill been in place, I might have happy memories of what was supposed to be the happiest time in my life.

Thanks for letting me share."

Early motherhood is somewhat like the weather. Semi-predictable, but every now and then a storm rolls in.  When the rain pours, The Seventh Mom Project, Inc. holds the umbrella. To build awareness and community we are hosting our first 5K and Family Fun Run event on April 22nd at Al Lopez Park. All proceeds will benefit The Seventh Mom Project, Inc.'s work in the Tampa Bay area. 

Visit www.raincoatrun.com for details!


​

 
Join Us at the Tampa Bay Birth and Baby Expo on Saturday March 10, 2018!  Elizabeth will be speaking about Perinatal Mood Disorders.  Click here to register!