​Hello Tampa,

If you are following us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you may have noticed that the the Flamingos are coming​ and you are probably wondering, "What's with the big pink birds?" 

While running is great for your mental and physical health, we also fully believe in the power of laughter, so for some summertime fun... the Flamingos are coming.

Come June 1st, for your amazing donation of $25 and the completion of a Flocking Order, we will be glad to say thanks by migrating our flock of pink lawn flamingos to the yard you have chosen. The dwellers will then have the opportunity to make a donation as well and send the flamingos to another place to roost. Who doesn't love a good summer prank?

Now if you're worried about getting flocked, don't worry we are also going to be offering Flamingo Insurance Policies. For a $20 donation, you can secure you very own Flamingo Insurance Policy that will prevent your lawn from getting flocked. (This is a great investment if you live in an HOA and/or do not want to be flocked repeatedly). 

So here is the scoop on Flamingo Insurance Policy. With Give Day Tampa Bay upon us. we are feeling giving ourselves. One of our #GiveDayTB18 goals is to have the most unique donations during the hours of 11 a.m. through 1 p.m. So for those hours only, Flamingo Insurance will be discounted to $15.  Anyone who makes this donation during this double lunch hour will not be able to be flocked from May 1st, 2018-April 30th 2019.  It is the ultimate protection from Flamingo Flocking. 

We will also be collecting donations and taking reservations for Flocking on May 1st. Following Give Day Tampa Bay, we will create our Flocking schedule and be sure to let you know when the Flamingo Flock you've sponsored will arrive during throughout the summer. All Flocking will be completed by July 31st.

Questions? Feel free to fly them over to our in box at 7thmomproject@gmail.com

As always, hold the umbrella, because you never know what might be raining down.

-Rebecca

This summer, the Good family of five will embark on our first ever two week vacation. I am nervous. Having a list-loving, over-planning, type-A personality, I am trying hard to simultaneously not to over think things or forget essentials. So I am writing lists AND engaging in positive self talk to remind myself that it will be a blast.



Here are my 5 vacation preparing tips!

1. Pack light
It is my MO to have enough clothes to have options since I never know what I will feel like wearing. So I want to pack a full outfit for every day of the trip, for every person. For a family of five, on a two week trip, this type of planning would result in excess baggage, costing us a few hundred dollars in baggage fees.  However, we are staying with family.  We will have access to laundry. Thus, we don't NEED to have an entire closet full of clothes. So THIS trip, I am limiting each person to 3-4 shirts, 2-3 bottoms, swim clothes, 4 pairs underwear & socks and two pairs of shoes. Okay I am also adding ONE running outfit and shoes so I can get some exercise in...

2. Plan some downtime
Speaking of exercise, it is important, especially on such a long trip, to not over schedule each day.  Remember kids will need to rest at some time during the day. It is important to maintain some parts of normal routine to avoid melt downs from all parties. Plan for days in, whether your staying with family or in a hotel or resort, don't plan a full outing every day. Enjoy your home away from home in as normal of routing as you can muster at least once per week away from home.  

3. Plastic Baggies
You may remember Rebecca talking about the use of plastic baggies during hurricane prep. Well really, they are useful for all sorts of adventures with children. This is the first time I will be packing with plastic baggies for dividing individual outfits, but I think it will do two things for me.  1) make sure I plan evenly and that one kid doesn't end up with 7 shirts and 2 pairs of socks because I get irritated and start throwing things into bags. 2) keep the clothes somewhat organized in our much smaller home away from home (aka room at the grandparents). This should keep socks from wondering during our trip. I will also be putting kid activities in baggies for easy storage as well as packing all toiletries (as required by TSA) into a clear plastic baggie for easy pass through at airport security. All baggies will go into personal backpacks. Photos to come when I get around to packing!
 
4. Remember your prescriptions
Prescriptions need to be packed with the other vital traveling documents, ID, passport, birth certificate, credit cards etc. I urge you to carry any prescription medication in its original packaging in your personal carry on bag. Just in case, have a copy of your script in case your actual bottle disappears in transit. Check with your provider if you need to adjust for the timing of the medications due to time differences, and make sure you have plenty to provide adequate dosing for the duration of your trip, even if you hit a delay in travel arrangements. 

5. Discuss the plans with your children in advance
Talk with your children about your travel arrangements.  Use vague language if plans are not set in stone, but provide enough detail that they have and idea of what to expect. It will help to alleviate any fears they may be harboring.  It can also help your anxiety as they may ask questions that help you plan for things you hadn't really thought of.  For instance, my son asked where he would sleep at Grandma's house, and I realized I needed to clarify with my mother what the sleeping arrangements would be. Talking about the trip will build excitement and reduce anxiety on all parts.  Just be careful not to make any finite promises that you can't be sure will be kept. Your children will remember all your promises and will not let you forget!

What tips do you have for family travel?  Share in the comments below!


Packing up a storm!

Elizabeth 

​The SISTER Mom Program is a New Mother Mentorship Program. SISTER stands for Self-Image Support Team and Emotional Resource.  Developed by Postpartum Society of Florida, Inc., SISTER Mom trains an elite team of women to confidently connect women with vetted resources, triage perinatal crisis, and most importantly, mentor and encourage new mothers one-to-one through their perinatal year.

The Seventh Mom Project, Inc. is excited to bring this program to Tampa Bay.  We are looking for interested participants for our pilot launch.  

SISTER Mom Mentors will be required to:

Read the following:
I’m Listening
This Isn’t What I Expected
"Life Will Never Be the Same”: The Real Moms’ Postpartum Survival Guide

(books can be purchased via amazon through our store link!)

Create a Tampa Bay "Lighten the Darkness Resource Guide" as a team
 
Attend:
Introduction session: Will be held June 22nd at 7 pm. location to be determined. 
4 - 2 hour training sessions (virtual or in person)
      July, August, Sept, Oct, Dates TBD

Attend our SISTER Mom Saturday Retreat: Saturday, November 4, 8 am to 4 pm. 

Complete Writing Assignments:
​Listed in training syllabus you will receive at the introductory session. 

Graduates will be matched with moms for ongoing mentoring in January of 2018.

Megan Thomas follows up her heart wrenching birth story with what I am calling a love story. The dedication of her husband during her postpartum period is unwavering. She is right though, dads need support. If you know a dad that needs support, encourage him to visit Postpartum International for more resources for dads.  

Thank you again for sharing your story Megan.

Holding the umbrella,

Elizabeth 

We know that breastfeeding struggles can intensify postpartum depression and anxiety. The following is a story about how weaning can also impact our emotional distress. The author, Cat Halek is a local IBCLC and the Education Chair on our Board. She wants everyone to know that we support all moms, no matter how they feed their babies!  Happy Breastfeeding Month!

Holding the umbrella,

Elizabeth

I knew I would breastfeed my son as soon as I knew I was pregnant.  There was no other option. I planned a natural birth. I planned a beautiful empowering birth. Then at 36 weeks my son was breech. My doctor planned a c-section at 39 weeks.  I showed up at 6:30 am at the hospital ready for my c-birth. I had grieved the birth I wouldn’t have.  Though, my son had flipped probably during a massage the night before.  I chose out of fear and pressure from staff and family to have the scheduled c-section.  Having my birth not go as I had wanted, I hung on to breastfeeding.  It became my "I'll show you" to the world. I sat at a week and a half postpartum in a La Leche League group and told the fellow mothers, “They took my birth from me, but no one will take breastfeeding from me.”  

After my pregnancy depression, I and everyone else was relieved that I didn’t suffer from post partum depression.  The oxytocin from breastfeeding made me feel over the moon for my son.  I was blissed out and in heaven feeding him.   I set small accomplish-able goals for breastfeeding.  First I set my goal for 6 weeks.

Then at 6 weeks I made my next goal to reach 6 months, and reached it! At 10 months I went back to work as a Peer Counselor at WIC.  I completed extensive training on breastfeeding. I worked with women who were breastfeeding 3 and 4 year olds.  I came to believe that allowing a child self wean was optimal weaning.  
What I hadn't know and what many people don’t understand is that weaning is a very long process.  The first bottle of something other than breastfeeding is the beginning of weaning.  Starting solids is also the beginning of weaning. Weaning is the process of transitioning from breastfeeding for table food, it is not the immediate end to breastfeeding. 

I made it to a year of breastfeeding Ian.  I had unlimited access to my IBCLC mentors and peer support from La Leche League and my fellow Peer Counselors.  I remember talking to Daniel, my husband about my new goal to make it to 2 years of breastfeeding.  I never knew the challenges and issues I would have from weaning and what mother led weaning would feel like.  All I learned about was child led weaning; La leche League's advice of "don’t offer, don’t refuse". He said he would support me but was shocked by my choice.

Breastfeeding with large breasts and a toddler that could care less about your feelings of flashing your entire breast at the world is not for the faint of heart. Breastfeeding one-year old Ian was a display of nursing gymnastics. Around thirteen months, I started feeling terribly uncomfortable nursing my older child in public. I literally felt like Ian was holding my large breast and showing it off to onlookers when he took nursing breaks. This led to a feeling of Ian violating me by presenting my breast to others was definitely tied to my history of sexual abuse, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless.

That was my first thought of "HMMMM, maybe I want to wean him earlier."  I started explaining the difference of breastfeeding in the car and at home vs breastfeeding anywhere, anytime to my toddler.

Around 14 months, I began feeling resentful and trapped while nursing Ian to sleep and during night nursing sessions.  I would be trying to pretend to sleep while getting Ian to sleep.  But my heart wasn’t in it.  I felt pissed at my husband and pissed at my son for trapping me into being still, boob out, and frankly not feeling in control of my own body.  

My husband, after some prodding, took over bedtime.  It took about a month to get Ian off the boob for falling asleep and then a natural progression to him not nursing at night But we did it.   

As he night weaned I started to enforce the boundry of only nursing at home on the couch or in the car.  He adjusted beautifully to this.  He would pull my pants leg and ask to go to the car or couch because he was ready to nurse.  He would be fine with leaving what ever we were doing to go nurse in the agreed upon places.  Keep in mind Ian n talking since 9 months and could speak in sentences at this time.  Not every child could understand or verbalize these needs and adjust

At 20 months I stopped offering the breast at all.  When he would ask for mum mums I would offer him a hug, a snack, or a drink.  Also I would change positions and attempt to distract him with activities.  If he would get really upset I would give in but over the next 4 months he weaned to  2 to 3 breastfeeding seessions a day.  I was doing ok and so was he.  

The menstrual cycle  that started 2 weeks after Ian’s 2nd birthday hit me hard the first day.  My nipples were painful and sensitive.  I was emotionally and physically drained.  I was over anyone having access to my breasts.  

Dan came home that day.  Ian came over to nurse.  I offered him everything to distract and get him to change focus.  He kept crying.  I looked at Daniel and told him this is my last day breastfeeding I just cant do it any more.  Daniel took Ian and told me to go lay down.  I curled into a hormonal crying ball of mess and let Daniel take over parenting that night.  

The first month of not breastfeeding felt pretty good.  I could wear clothes I hadn’t worn since Ian was born. I had my body back.  I had successfully weaned a child.  I was proud of myself.  My peers couldn’t believe that I mother weaned in such a great way.  

A few weeks later I had to go to work.  I went to the store to pick up some lunch before going and teaching a breastfeeding class.  I started feeling emotional and anxious in the store.  By the time I made it to the car, I could not stop sobbing; full body ugly cry in the middle of a target parking lot.  I finally got calm enough to look at the clock. I was 20 minutes late to work.  I called my boss.  I couldn't stop the tears while explaining I just couldn’t get to work that day.  There was no one to take over the breastfeeding class for me so I powered through and left afterwards.  I was so distraught.  I knew something wasn’t right.  

The sobbing and sensitivity didn’t stop that day.  It continued.  It interfered with everything.  Finally I decided to see my doctor and schedule a counseling appointment through EAP at my job.  I saw my primary care provider to see about adjusting my thyroid hormone.  She had been resistant to prescribing certain medications until I fully weaned Ian.  Since I had weaned my provider felt comfortable to  prescribe a different thyroid medicine and told me I may be having issues related to weaning and it changing my hormones. That was the first time I had even thought of weaning depression as a possible culprit.

I was under the impression that weaning depression was something that happened to moms that stopped breastfeeding abruptly and early, not to some one who had weaned gradually over a year.  I breastfed only 2 or 3 times a day how on earth could this gentle transition from 2 sessions a day for 5 minutes down to zero breastfeeding cause this emotional response!?  

When I discussed with peers and friends that I was suffering weaning depression they told me I could go back to breastfeeding.  I didn’t want to start breastfeeding again I needed people to understand that my hormones were going haywire and that it was triggering a major depressive episode. I didn’t want to hear that I hadn’t made the right choice.  I needed to hear that I could live a new normal with out breastfeeding and still be a good mom.  

My counselor I chose to start seeing was exactly what I needed.  She understood that this was a specific issue and I didn’t need to be told to wait it out until my hormones regulated.  My counselor Rachel Haskell was the person who let me know I could cope while my hormones regulated and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  While I was in the dark of middle of the tunnel our counseling sessions became the flashlight I needed to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.  

I am here.  My son is 6 years old.  I have accepted the Bipolar 2 diagnosis, the counseling and medication recommended for treatment is what I have to do for myself.  I have to be the best I can be so I can be a mom and wife.  Having prenatal and weaning distress where only my life and future weren’t the only thing to consider is what I need to continue to push through the dark into the light.  It got me to accept my history and understand that unlike other mothers where perinatal mood distress may only be a temporary hormone induced issue,  My story would be ongoing of seeking out medication, peer support and therapy for the rest of my life.  

I want all moms to know that breastfeeding is your child's first intimate relationship.  Setting boundaries and allowing yourself to put your needs at time above your child when appropriate is teaching them about how to treat their future partners.  I know that my weaning and prioritizing myself enough to get and continue treatment is going to make my son be a better partner.  ​

The following blog post is the story of a guest blogger. It is a heart-wrenching story of birth trauma and taking it one moment at a time.  
Thank you Megan for your strength and willingness to open up about your experiences. 

Holding the Umbrella,
Elizabeth 

Nothing went as expected! I couldn't breastfeed, I couldn't get up and care for my baby; I couldn't even care for myself! I expected to fall instantly in love with this little human I helped create and be in this perfect bubble of joy and bliss and smiles. Well someone burst my bubble! Instead I was filled with pain, sadness, and guilt. I had a friend that delivered about a month after me and when I asked how her delivery went she said it was splendid and she loved it. 

What?? What was wrong with me then? I never expected to feel this way but I did. I had to leave the hospital with an external drain coming out of my kidney because they could not operate to repair the ureter until I had healed from the c-section. I had what is called a nephrostomy tube and I had it for 8 long weeks. One of the hardest parts for me was the constant physical reminder of what I was going through. It was bad enough that I was in pain from the C-section and also from trying to delivery vaginally but the tube coming out of my kidney was a whole new pain.

​I couldn't get up without help, I could barely walk. When Ella cried, I couldn't get up and take care of her. It was always kind of an unspoken rule between my husband and I that I would be the primary caregiver for the baby. ​

This can be pretty scary really!  

*** Resume Reading Here***
​
Then I remember how brave I was to get help.  How important it was for me and my children that I sought medical treatment.  That I let go of my ego and stopped trying to "power" through.  By getting treatment, I took a huge step to reduce these risks and improve the health of my children.  This is the thread I hold onto when the guilt starts trying to eat me alive.  My saving grace.  

So to focus on the positives, I am sharing a few images of my beautiful, healthy children. Please feel free to share yours too!

Splashing in puddles with the kids,


Elizabeth 

Something Rebecca and I have in common is that we have both have a background as a labor doula (her much more so than I).  So we have witnessed the amazing and beautiful revolution focusing on empowering birth as it continues to take the country by storm.  Since we started having children, labor doulas have become more popular.  The suggestion of hiring one has increased in mainstream bump and parenting magazines.  And for good reason!  Labor doulas are incredible additions to the birth team.

                                                         
​We aren't trying to steal the light from the labor doulas nor negate the importance of an empowered birth, we simply want to extend that focus to the perinatal period, of which childbirth encompasses a day or two.  

If you are pregnant now, who is on your postpartum team? Have you created a plan? Have you been stressing about preparing for your baby's arrival? Did you know an antenatal doula could help with that?

If you are not currently pregnant, think back, if you aren't fully into the amnesia stage, you may remember more than a few times of self doubt, tears, or frustration; wishing someone who understood was there to help you.

Enter the postpartum doula.

April is Cesarean Awareness Month.  Cesarean moms have different battles during their perinatal period.  It is common for moms of babies birthed through surgery to have increased baby blues as they learn to cope with their birth story. Cesarean birth also increases risks for more extensive forms of perinatal mood or anxiety disorders.  


Full disclosure, I personally, have not had a cesarean, but as a birth doula, I know the way the air feels tight when the decision is about to be made to move from the labor suite to surgery.  I also have seen the strength, determination, and love these moms have, and it's no different than any other mom birthing their baby.  

I find it fitting that Cesarean Awareness Month is followed by Perinatal Mental Health Week.  Having any unplanned surgery can bring havoc to your emotional state and mental health, let alone one that is responsible for safely bringing your child into the world.  

​It is common for moms that delivery via cesarean to have mixed emotions.  If you are a cesarean mom suffering with feelings you can't quite explain, or a guilt you don't deserve, I highly recommend visiting an ICAN meeting.  As with most things, discussing your feelings with others that have been there too can be healing.

It is important to be aware of how our births affect our sense of self.  It is a moment in our lives that will change us forever.  

It is so important to remember that birth, like everything is not a right vs wrong dichotomy.  There is no hard, fast rule.

We also need to know how our language can affect other moms. We have to drop the judgmental language or tone at the door, and be supportive of each mom's story, especially because life doesn't come with a rewrite option.  

I am going to link back to Rebecca's early post about Birth Shame because I feel it is applicable here again.  

I hope that we can all have more compassion for those around us and their stories.  Each walk is different, but we walk together, and that makes all the difference.  

To all the moms that brought their baby earth side via surgery; I know you are amazing.

Holding Umbrellas,
Elizabeth


Note: to support your local ICAN chapter and enjoy a good night out (SELF CARE!) check out MOMPROM!

Caught in a landslide..no escape from reality... (I am sorry, kind of) 

Yesterday morning, I was semi-daydreaming through a workshop titled “Expectations in Relationships”.  While the workshop was focused on romantic relationships, I couldn’t help but think about a different relationship and the expectations I had once held for motherhood.  The definition of expectation is “the act or state of looking forward; a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.”

The goals of the workshop were to decide if we should have expectations? Identify Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Expectations, and to offer tools to build healthy expectations.

Immediately I thought about how Motherhood is rampant with misconceptions, expectations, and idealizations that unlike the gradual reality of a romantic relationship, are typically thrust upon you in one final push. 
Some healthy examples of expectations for relationships included: my partner will communicate with me and my partner will put in their share of the work.  Unhealthy examples included, my partner will know what I am thinking, and my partner will complete me or make me fully happy.
Comparing the examples to the list of “Motherhood Expectations” I solicited from an online group of moms, I found that many moms are entering this relationship full of unrealistic and unhealthy expectations for themselves, their partners, and their babies.  The crash of reality with these unrealistic expectations has to do damage mentally, emotionally, and socially. 

Where do our Motherhood Expectations come from?

Expectations typically come from our experiences (ie, we decide to do things or not to do things the way our mother did them), our past experiences with infants, and societal norms. One way our unrealistic expectations are allowed to develop is the fact that nobody talks about the ugly, the unpleasant, or the unmentionable. We often only see the pretty side of motherhood, amazing birth photos or new nursing mom's with a happy baby perfectly latched, or my personal favorite, calmly sleeping babies in a beautifully decorated nursery. Social Media highlights the joys and precious moments. What about the sore bottoms and chapped nipples? Friend and mentor Sarah Workman Checcone of Postpartum Society of Florida decided to change this by discussing the unspoken details in her book From Bump to Grind.  

Let's look at some of the Motherhood Expectations voiced by the mom's group members.

1. There would be an INSTANT, OBVIOUS BOND with my baby.
2.  Breastfeeding would feel natural or be easy.
3. I would understand what my baby needs by the sound of her cries.
4. I would lose my baby weight by taking daily jogs through the park.
5. My house would be clean, and I would have plenty of time to prepare healthy dinners for my partner.
6. I would be able to set an evening routine: dinner, bath, bedtime for baby, cuddle time for partner and I.
7. Baby will accommodate my set routine and we would live happily ever after.
8. I would spend my days drinking Starbucks, lazily window shopping Target, rocking an adorable messy mom bun and yoga pants. 
9. Being a mom would make me feel complete and happy.

 
Full disclosure, for my first son, some of these expectations were met.  So I had no reason to believe otherwise that there weren’t universal truths.  And in the same manner, some realities were blown with him, so my second time around I had no expectation of a clean house, healthy prepped dinners, or routine.  But each expectation or “ideal” we strive for, is an opportunity for disappointment. 

Part of me laughs as I say the easiest way to deal with this disappointment is to drop the expectations.  But realistically, we will have expectations.  So, based on the suggestions from the presentation, I would like to offer some tools, or tips really, for creating healthy expectations.

1. Be Realistic. Anything that says ALWAYS or NEVER is a dead giveaway of being unattainable. 
2. Ask “Why?”  "Where did this expectation come from?"  "Is it a valued standard for me to follow?"
3. Accept differences.  There is no one way to parent, and you won’t do it the same way every time.  Your partner will have differences and the relationships between you and your baby will be different than that of your baby and anyone else.
4. Respect changes.  See above.  It is okay to amend your expectations to fit your reality.
5. Respect the rights of your partner, your baby and other family members.
6. Maintain open communication with your partner and other loved ones. 

Occasionally, even when we manage to lower our expectations, we discover that something about motherhood just doesn’t meet the bar.  When these expectations are unmet, it is common to feel upset.  So I leave you with a few reminders of what to do when you find yourself disappointed by unmet expectations. 

1. First, Remember that NO ONE can (or should) do it ALL, and definitely not ALL THE TIME.
2. Avoid comparisons to others.  Remember that their reality and your perception of their reality likely differ greatly.
3. Finally, be gentle to yourself.  If you are having a rough day, talk to yourself like you would your best friend. 
4. If nothing else works, have a dance party (Now open your eyes, look up to the skies and see...)