Motherhood is not my identity.
 
Maternal mental health is not my identity.
 
Hi, my name is Rebecca, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with maternal mental illness.
 
I fight from a place of victory over anxiety and OCD with intrusive thoughts as well as depression. I happen to also be married with 5 living children at home and I co-founded a really cool organization.
 
I want you to pay close attention to how I have chosen to introduce myself. How I identify myself.  Through my own journey through the darkness I have found that we place so much emphasis on our identity, but we often misplace our identity at the same time.
 
Now some of our readers may not be familiar with Christian scripture so let me give you a quick rundown.
 
Believers follow the scripture:

Galatians 2:20 English Standard Version (ESV)
20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
 
Now that's not to say that I am not a mother because I most certainly am but it's not my identity and it took a lot of heart ache for me to realize that. 
 
The turmoil happened in a different way with each child, but I'll use the birth of my 4th the one who well got me started on this path. 
 
At the time I was a home schooling, Christian, crunchy mom. A cloth diapering, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, home-birthing mom. This was my identity. I went to church and had a strong relationship with my church family, but I misunderstood where my identity truly was. When my planned home birth didn't go as I expected, I felt a loss of identity. I felt like a failure. I didn't belong in my natural birth community anymore because I didn't have my natural home birth. I had a cesarean under general anesthesia. To add to the loss of self, when I had breast feeding problems, my identity as a breastfeeding mom was taken away. When I needed to place my oldest child in public school, for the sake of my mental health at the time, another identifier was stripped away from me.
 
All of these events exacerbated the distress. I saw them as an identity crisis.
 
Have you ever introduced yourself to someone or met someone new and when you asked them the question "what do you do" they answered with a "I am" statement? Perhaps someone has said to you "Hey what do you do for a living" and your reply has been "I am a teacher; I am a stay-at-home mom; I am an account executive". All of these “I am” answers, but the question was what you do, not who you are.
 
So why do we place our identity in being a mom or in my case a mental mom?
 
Your identity is who you are and being a mother is such a huge part of who you are, but it doesn't take away who you were before, or you will become. 
 
Maybe it's time we stopped building women up throughout pregnancy to replace herself with this new identity. It seems once the full transition has occurred, and new moms feel lost, we fail to offer quality support. We need to quit trying to change their identity, and simply support people where they are and as who they are from the get go.
 
You see when you place your identity in what you do and what you do doesn't go the way you expected, or it's taken away from you, whether by choice or by tragedy, you’re set up for an identity crisis.
 
Of course, let's face it, becoming a new mom can be an identity crisis in its own. Whether one is a new mom for the first time or the sixth time, there must be support for this transition.
 
I have found that if my identity isn't solid in my beliefs and in line with Jesus Christ as my higher power, I am going to have an identity crisis. Thus, it is important for motherhood and faith to be able to be entwined with the person so as not to lose portions of self. Pastors, women's ministry leaders, and moms group directors, I'm calling you out specifically right now: take the time to remind the moms you are working with that their identity is so much more than just “mother”. Remind them of their true identity and encourage them through motherhood to embrace the main parts of their identity.
 
If you are not a Christian, take note of your use of “I am”.
Is it really who you are or is there so much more to you?
I bet there is a lot more.
 
You are beautiful. You matter. You are not alone in this identity crisis. 
 
Love, Rebecca
 
 
 
 
Editors Note:
The Seventh Mom Project, Inc. is excited to support moms where they are at. We are currently running a SISTER Mom training to help other women discover how they can provide mentorship to our fellow moms. Following the Pilot, one of our SISTER Mom graduates, Sarah, has decided to start leading a Faith Based Mom Support group!

For moms that feel this would meet their needs: 
Tuesday, February 5th @ 10:30 AM @ Relevant Church Tampa, 1705 N 16th St Tampa, FL 33605


The Seventh Mom does not discriminate, and we hope to spread maternal mental health support groups to every corner of Tampa Bay. We would love to see a group for every mom. Groups that can meet the needs for the wonderful diversity of mothers in our community. If you are interested in completing the SISTER Mom Training and running your own support group, please contact Elizabeth at good.doula@gmail.com.

​Hello Tampa,

If you are following us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you may have noticed that the the Flamingos are coming​ and you are probably wondering, "What's with the big pink birds?" 

While running is great for your mental and physical health, we also fully believe in the power of laughter, so for some summertime fun... the Flamingos are coming.

Come June 1st, for your amazing donation of $25 and the completion of a Flocking Order, we will be glad to say thanks by migrating our flock of pink lawn flamingos to the yard you have chosen. The dwellers will then have the opportunity to make a donation as well and send the flamingos to another place to roost. Who doesn't love a good summer prank?

Now if you're worried about getting flocked, don't worry we are also going to be offering Flamingo Insurance Policies. For a $20 donation, you can secure you very own Flamingo Insurance Policy that will prevent your lawn from getting flocked. (This is a great investment if you live in an HOA and/or do not want to be flocked repeatedly). 

So here is the scoop on Flamingo Insurance Policy. With Give Day Tampa Bay upon us. we are feeling giving ourselves. One of our #GiveDayTB18 goals is to have the most unique donations during the hours of 11 a.m. through 1 p.m. So for those hours only, Flamingo Insurance will be discounted to $15.  Anyone who makes this donation during this double lunch hour will not be able to be flocked from May 1st, 2018-April 30th 2019.  It is the ultimate protection from Flamingo Flocking. 

We will also be collecting donations and taking reservations for Flocking on May 1st. Following Give Day Tampa Bay, we will create our Flocking schedule and be sure to let you know when the Flamingo Flock you've sponsored will arrive during throughout the summer. All Flocking will be completed by July 31st.

Questions? Feel free to fly them over to our in box at 7thmomproject@gmail.com

As always, hold the umbrella, because you never know what might be raining down.

-Rebecca

When moms contact me, questioning their emotional roller coasters during pregnancy or during their postpartum year, I always start back at the basics. The Steps to Wellness were developed by Jane Honikman, founder of PEP and later Postpartum International.  More than thirty years later, they are just as relevant to all people, especially new parents.

Today I am going to review the first 3 steps.  They are so blatantly simple, but so often overlooked by new parents as the demands of a new little one take their toll. 

If you are a new parent, and you haven't been taking the time to rest or eat, please do!  It will serve you and your family well to be fed and rested. 

Next week I will review steps 4-6. 


-Elizabeth 

In January, Rebecca traveled to the state capitol to support the Maternal Mental Health Advocacy Day. She could not share what legislation like SB 138 could have meant for her motherhood journey at the event, but below she is sharing her testimony.. 

To learn more about SB 138 click here. 


"​My name is Rebecca Hartley-Woods and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ, lifetime Floridian and mother to 5 amazing children.

With regards to Senate Bill 138 and the desire for public health information regarding perinatal mood disorders, I would like to share that I was a public health worker while pregnant with my eldest son and even though I networked with multiple community and governmental agencies serving women of childbearing age, no one warned me about or screened me for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. 

I know "what if" is often a pointless exercise and yet I wonder if this bill had been inplace perhaps my life would've been very different. 

During my pregnancy in 2007 and 2008 I lived with what I now know was prenatal anxiety. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me and I feared reaching out. 

By the time my son was two weeks old I had recurring visions of terrifying things such as my baby drowning in the bathtub or dropping him down the stairs.  I found traffic horrifying as I often envisioned a terrible crash when my son was in the car.

Working 40 plus hours a weak providing education and services in a public health setting, all the childbirth and newborn classes, not even community programs I participated in prepared me for the maternal mental health crisis I would endure.

I did not speak up about the scary thoughts that I now know where intrusive thoughts, a symptom of my postpartum anxiety because I feared seeking help. I was afraid of my son being taken away.

I dropped the coursework I had been enrolled in, isolated from friends, busied myself in work and spent as little time as possible with my baby thinking he was safer with others and what a terrible mother I was for thinking these terrible things.

I was afraid to speak up because I feared loosing my son. This is important to note because the bill in its current form is lacking language regarding DCF.

While pregnant with my 4th child in 2014 I sought help. I was visited by child protective investigators not once but twice after seeking professional help. Sadly, the investigators had no resources or help to offer other than apologies for erroneous reports and the waste of my time and theirs.

Moving forward to 2017, for the first time in 7 pregnancies over 11 years I was screened at a postpartum check up following the birth of my 5th living child. I cannot recall the number of obstetricians, community agency workers, out of hospital midwives and other maternal health professionals who I have seen over the years.  But I can tell you about the 1 time I was screened for a postpartum mood disorder at a postpartum appointment. 

Had this bill been in place many years ago,  I might have completed school on time, not left my job causing financial strain that ultimately led to filing bankruptcy. Had I found appropriate treatment in a timely manner I might have not missed my only sister's wedding because I couldn't get in a car with my baby without having a panic attack. 

Had this bill been in place, I might have happy memories of what was supposed to be the happiest time in my life.

Thanks for letting me share."

Father's Day is this coming Sunday. I personally am very lucky to have a wonderful husband who is also a fantastic Dad to our children. I have no idea what to get him in honor of the day! I do, however, know that In the world of Maternal Mental Health, Dads are often overlooked. 

Thankfully, society has caught on, and this generation is really changing how we look at Dads.  In light of these thoughts. I want to quickly highlight some of the lesser known, important information about Fatherhood, Parenting, and Mental Health.




1. Dads are super important for childhood development. Check out these statistics at the National Fatherhood Initiative. It is easy to get the impression that Fathers are a bonus, but in reality, they are an essential part of a child's life and regardless of the relationship between the parents, if a healthy father/child relationship can be fostered, it should be. 

2. Dads are more involved than ever before.  This is great for kids, but can be hard on Dads.  Check out this blog that highlights how conflicts between the role models Dads had from previous generations and the expectations set today can increase distress for today's fathers. 

3. June 19, 2017 marks the 2nd International Father's Mental Health Day.  To learn more, visit here. Dads get postpartum depression. In fact it is estimated that 10% of dads will experience this. And if a woman has PPD, her partner's has a 50% risk of developing depression.

While we don't have the peer support resources to provide Dads, we will never turn away a Dad seeking help! So if you are a Dad or you know a Dad exhibiting symptoms of perinatal distress, we will do our best to connect them with the appropriate resources through our referral system. 

Additionally, here are two local resources that we know are helping Dads in their parenting journey.
Champions for Children, Inc. offers FRANC and REACHUP, INC. offers 24/7 Dads.  REACHUP, INC. is planning their 6th Annual Affirming Fatherhood Conference for September 21-22. Watch their website for details!

We hope you and/or the fathers in you life have a wonderful Father's Day!