The Seventh Mom Project, Inc.
  • Home
    • Calendar
  • Support
    • SISTER Mom
    • Local Resource Guide
  • Educate
    • Community Awareness Events
    • For Professionals
  • Connect
  • Blog

Everything You Think is Wrong Day

3/15/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
Sometime after midnight last night (this morning) as Elizabeth and I were discussing what to write about, Elizabeth turned to good old Google and shared this national calendar tidbit. Maybe it was the fact I needed sleep, but I found it ironic for March 15. Okay, truly I found "Everything You Think is Wrong Day" falling on the Ides of March more than just ironic, I found it hilarious (once again, maybe I need more sleep). Regardless, we started talking about how this national day relates to motherhood.  
So in honor of Everything You Think is Wrong Day, Elizabeth and I would like to make a point about the myths of motherhood. 

Motherhood is full of mythology, sometimes superstition, and plenty of preconceived notions that generally are the makings of great stories.  These stories become our fantasy "plans" that we dream up before becoming mothers. However, they are a far cry from the real life events we eventually experience. For a mother who is in the midst of postpartum depression and/or anxiety, the fantasies that she anticipated can plague her with fear, doubt, and feelings of being a complete failure.

Expectations and New Motherhood

One of the topics we talk about often in support groups and peer settings is that motherhood is not what we expected.
Some are more vague, but some expectations are very specific.  I had this idea of what a great homemaker I was going to be when I decided to stay home after my son was born.  I was wrong.  I thought I was going to be able to cook and clean and spend so much time with my son all while looking like a 1950s  television housewife complete with full hair and makeup every day.  Then reality showed up and said "Be glad when you get to shower and brush your teeth undisturbed!"  
Tired of so many moms saying to her, "I wish someone had told me...", our mentor and friend, Sarah Workman Checcone has even written a semi autobiographical book about all the things they don't tell you about labor, birth, breastfeeding and the postpartum experience. Her book, Bump to Grind is a very point blank reality check for many moms.
(NOTE: Bump to Grind is the story of many mothers, but Elizabeth suggests to balance your childbirth education with something like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and to talk with as many moms as possible to get a better picture of the various ways birth happens.)

Birth Expectations

​​I don't know if I should even get into all the things I was wrong about becoming a mother. The process of becoming a mother, followed by parenting a tiny little human is full of possibilities for making what I used to consider mistakes. Pregnancy, labor, hospitals, feeding, sleeping, toys, clothes, cartoons, mothers and mother-in-laws. For instance, after the birth of my first child, I vowed never to wear those ridiculous mesh panties again, and held to the promise through two more babies.  Enter baby number four and hello cheesecloth underwear.  Again. I was wrong.

In our year of conversations, Elizabeth and I have discovered many similarities in unmet expectations.  I, too, was once a woman who thought if I have the most beautiful, amazing, natural birth, I'll will avoid postpartum depression. Guess what home birth moms can and do struggle with perinatal distress as well. Elizabeth shared her story recently about how her reality challenged her expectations after her perfect birth. 
I also believed that the feeling of detachment I experienced in pregnancy would go away as soon as I held my baby. I just knew all those happy mushy in-love feelings would simply appear the moment he was born. Nope. Not after I first held him. Not after we left the hospital. Not after I went back to work. Not after I quit my job and stayed home.  In fact, it took months before I actually felt like "I love this tiny human; I really love my baby". ​

Breastfeeding Expectations

Another mythic image of motherhood is the blissed-out new mom, breastfeeding with no trouble and no signs of lack of sleep. I can tell you now if a mom is breastfeeding or pumping she's giving up sleep somewhere and it's going to be visible. If she's formula feeding, she's also losing rest to feedings; possibly even more time than the mom who's nursing. Breastfeeding in itself can be mythical.
For some moms, breastfeeding comes almost second nature. For others, breastfeeding hurts or causes a multitude of other issues. There's poor latches, engorgement, thrush, and mastitis. I'm pretty convinced that difficulty with nursing or not meeting our own expectations can exasperate postpartum distress. Let's be real with new moms and moms to be. It's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. For some women the hormones that our body produces associated with breastfeeding can really upset their mental state. And weaning depression, yeah it's a thing. it's a real thing for anyone who thinks that it's easy to just stop breastfeeding and move forward happily even when they had difficulty and did not enjoy breastfeeding, guess what they're wrong too. In fact ask my friend Cat, an IBCLC about breastfeeding and maternal mental health. Oh boy what she could tell you about false expectations! She voiced a multitude of concerns that we will have to share with you later.
For expectant moms, we suggest lining up the people you will need for breastfeeding support now. Find a local La Leche League group or Lactation Support Group. Moms that have a goal and a plan including the support of their partner are most likely to continue breastfeeding than those that don't prepare. Breastfeeding classes in Hillsborough County can been found here.

Parenting Expectations

Another example of a wrong mother moment: I'd be the super happy energetic mom who never loses her patience,  enjoys playing with the same singing Elmo toy for hours every day while refereeing Lego fights in between making endless kid friendly snacks and who is always thrilled to run errands with four kids in tow. If you know someone like this, chances are she's putting up a good front and you can do her a world of good by letting her know you see her.  You can relate to her struggle and offer a safe place to vent when she needs it.  If you are her, I need your secret. Seriously.
​

There's so much I was wrong about before having kids.  So much I was wrong about having two, three, and four kids. I would not change my past nor give one of my kiddos up, but I would gladly pay for the cure for tantrums, tattling, and whining.  I'd pay good money to never experience  a diaper blow out that ruins my clothes.  But I can't. And neither can the rest of the moms or the moms-to-be.

Elizabeth's Post Midnight Thought Pattern

Picture
Today is Everything You Think is Wrong Day.  It's also the Ides of March, beware this can get kind of confusing. Taking the idea of everything you think is wrong and putting it into context of motherhood is  counter-intuitive for me. Everything you thought about motherhood is probably wrong; when you think about the cute and cuddly baby, always smelling so delicious with rosy cheeks, quietly snuggling in your arms. Yeah that happens in motherhood. But it is the reason well meaning people say to cherish every minute and soak it up.  You will miss the snuggles, but the snuggles are not the only thing happening in most mother's postpartum experiences.  The screaming baby exists. We don't often see pictures of the screaming baby preconception, and even if they come across our radar, we tend to blame the parents.  And since we ALL know we are going to be that mythical hero, AWESOME MOM, it won't happen to us.

No matter what you thought about motherhood, if those thoughts were full of staunch, black OR white, irrevocable ideas about the perfect baby and perfect way to parent, everything you think is wrong (or will be soon).

We have so much social pressure to be the perfect mother and before we are the perfect mother we have a really good idea of what we think the perfect mother's going to be so everything you thought was wrong. However everything you think once you get past that mythical mother, is right. Once we let go of our mythical expectations, I have found, it's really, really hard to come up with absolute wrong ways to mother. Most of us are walking around doing the best we can, with what we have. In my opinion we could read lots of blogs, journals and books; do all the research, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter.  We are our baby's experts. It's what you, your family and your baby come up with to survive that matters. Motherhood is a game of survival. If you're both still here; you're doing something right.

Picture
Seriously, WHO HAS THIS KIND OF TIME?!
We would like to amend the national day calendar, making March 15 "Everything You Think You Know About Motherhood is Wrong Day". Let's just give ourselves a clean slate. Seriously there are days I need a do over. How about your ? What expectations were you certain you knew everything about?  What challenged these beliefs and how did you reconcile your new truths?  Comment below! We want you as a part of the conversation as we help break down unreasonable expectations for new and expectant moms.
1 Comment
Fred H. Witte
3/15/2017 09:29:01 pm

#EverythingYouThinkIsWrongDay



A NOTE OF THE WRITER:

You won't find true resource for many of the items listed here. These are accounts, and not ruled by
the ordinary historical passages which are meant to lead as our lessons as we live. But instead do
guide the average person to truthful and fulfilling living. Some of these, though real - lack a basic
impartial grasp for those who have no concept of the occurrence. As long as applicability on the part
of aide to the reader may be of assistance, the cause of this writing has been served. They are for
the sole intent of historical registery. *{@ © ® Lide Priede Quo}

# This section is Long Prose Standard - /


DESCRIPTIVE NOTE:

These are notes of mine to which anyone can remember, but I doubt any part may be used [directly] to
unhinge the entire world of destructive force as an all in effort. Force of course "Is a forward motion
which indicates an effort of unprecedented change" and these are direct notes taken down at those times.
Though of 'solid attesitation', a sway or swagger is a point in collection of these written here due to
the position of the ones taking down the noted antidotes, this is a unfiltered type of thymus ("times"
as a descriptive ~ a noun). The 'sets' are written in reverse order due to historical references - in
parte - are used and are of "Broad Sorting" to many living persons in a very personal sense.




----------------------------------------------------
End World Scenario - Written by Frederick H. Witte
==========================================================
correspondence .. . divinci3484@yahoo.com

--------------------------------------
End World Scenario - Extra Notes ·f·
============================================

Every sight must be resolved to the quality of the group *-(labelled mass majority for of missing at the
event persons in subject matter)
For all left -overs must be commented as to the needs of the "present" group to establish condition.
When the first ones have had resolution the secondaries must abied to commitment, or order a re -do to
the entire statement which had been made.
As a child we all are, and thus the decision and their acts upon must be as a child does; if not the act
is to be held to the highest resolve - as trial with 'all' involved.
When these facts are held true the best is to be had, therefore only the best will be in quest.
As for which, - each resolved person - has a assignment to be in living so does a conquest for each of them
this will be held in each trial as suppositonal evidence.
Last is the fame of pain which will be a punt of confluence of contestment for 'Individuals' which have
quest with trial in times of judicial decision.
Area of residence will have a pertinent fact of confluence to each in need of homestead - a contestant
will receive placement when the 'declined' is appointed.
Query upon unknown has its place in society, when in doubt the subject is to be hidden; for comfort of others.
*Each crime must be solved in public so as release may be lived by the perpretrator - or none will happen.



* This section in terminal *





-----------------------------------------
End World Scenario - Repeated Echo ·e·
===============================================

This section must be re -written for it is a bit prose, this is current and not of report. Editing is to be
held for this conclusion; - PARAGRAPH -*(The next proceeds this and so for the next after that). No end is in
sighte everyday. The sliver of shine in the living of each one is in exchange for repeatition of an echo. The basis
is a firm desire making everyone agree that they all see the one desire and will. By actions "not of 'basic'" intent
will attain the 'every desire' which only very special one's can ever grasp. So in brief, a fashion faux puax makes a
superstition, everyone is to wear this openly and foundationally to repose the 'living day'. This is to a continuation
to make sure that 'No Function' every make it in the halls of very interested persons, then the basis for all life
become the varietally wants of persons which never make "function" or "working process". This is a mean word in their
livings' database. A bit grotesquely put, I will show this to light in following sections. The next section though
'long' and chock full of intricate and problematic arguments, also contains the solution to the 'end world scenario',
- previously.


----------

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Each walk is different, but we walk together, and that makes all the
    difference.

    Stories are shared by moms willingly to help others know
    YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    Archives

    January 2020
    June 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    September 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    Categories

    All
    Anxiety
    Awareness
    Birth And Baby Event
    Black Dispartiy
    Board Opening
    Body Image
    Body Love
    Breastfeeding
    Call To Action
    Cesarean Awareness
    Children
    Christian Mothers
    Complementary Treatments
    Dads
    Depression
    Doula
    Eat
    Exercise
    Expectations
    Faith
    Fathers
    Father's Day
    Fears
    Fed Is Best
    Flamingo Flocking
    Fog
    Fun
    Fundraiser
    Gender
    Girls Rock
    Give Day
    Guilt
    Heros
    Hold The Umbrella
    Hurricane
    Identity
    Identity Crisis
    Infant Mortality
    International Father's Mental Health Day
    Jesus
    Legislative Jargon
    Long Term Risks
    Maternal Mental Health
    Medicine
    Mental Health
    Mentorship
    Mom Hacks
    Moms Rock
    Motherhood
    Motherhood Fantasy
    National Breastfeeding Month
    Natural Antidepressants
    Natural Birth
    Natural Remedies
    New Baby
    Perinatal Anxiety
    Placentas
    Planning
    Pole
    Pole Dancing
    Post Baby Body
    Postpartum Depression
    Postpartum Distress
    Practical Help
    Preparedness
    Preparing For Baby
    Public Event
    Raincoat Run
    SB 138
    Self
    Showers Of Support
    Sisterhood
    Sistermom
    Sleep
    Stand By You
    Standing With Women
    Stigma
    Storms Of Motherhood
    Suicide
    Summer
    Summer Fun
    Support
    Survival
    Survivor
    Therapist
    Travel
    Umbrella Holders
    Volunteer
    Weathering Storms
    Weight
    Wellness
    Woman Acheivement
    Women's Health
    World Breastfeeding Week
    World Doula Week

    RSS Feed

You can reach us at:

mailing address: 9015 Aspen Hollow Place, Riverview, FL 33578
A COPY OF THE OFFICIAL REGISTRATION AND FINANCIAL INFORMATION MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE DIVISION OF CONSUMER SERVICES BY CALLING TOLL-FREE WITHIN THE STATE. REGISTRATION DOES NOT IMPLY ENDORSEMENT, APPROVAL, OR RECOMMENDATION BY THE STATE. You can contact  1-800-HELP-FLA (435-7352) to obtain these records. 
  • Home
    • Calendar
  • Support
    • SISTER Mom
    • Local Resource Guide
  • Educate
    • Community Awareness Events
    • For Professionals
  • Connect
  • Blog