Fog

There is a fog over me. Consuming me internally. I go through the daily motions required of me.
I’m there for my kids and husband, or am I? I answer their questions, play and read, make sure dinner is cooked (most of the time) and there is food in the fridge. My children are playing and squealing with laughter. I should be smiling, I should be feeling these emotions. I don’t.

The fog has settled, I am numb.

My coworker died by suicide. I reached out to my doctor and said I need medicine. I was told to wait, this was all fresh.  It isn’t fresh. The fog has settled. I’m not me. I say what you want to hear, I play the game. Inside I’m crying for help but the words and voice won’t come.

I have an ear infection. I tell my doctor it’s time for medicine. He looks at me. He pauses. Waiting.  The words come. The voice is strong. I am firm. I NEED HELP! My diet is better, finding time to exercise causes more stress, counseling I know will help but causes even more stress to try and figure out. Stress is not what I need, I am under enough stress. I’m not me, I miss me and want her back!  I don’t want the high school me back, I want the person who loves life and the adventures with it! The person not afraid of messes and has fun making the mess. Where did she go?

The fog has lifted. The medicine is balancing my brain. I’m slowly returning.

I am not alone. I am not a stigma.

You are not alone. You are not a stigma.

There is help. There are resources.
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Speak up. Advocate. Educate.