I didn't want to admit I was suffering. So I often used off handed quips to express my frustration. Looking back, I can't believe I didn't seek help sooner. But I have now and that's what is important. So in effort to ease my guilt of some of the awful things I said; I am jotting a few down to share.
I'm going to give this baby to the circus.
She doesn't even like me.
Maybe I can just let her cry herself to sleep.
I love her, but I am not sure I like her that much.
(When asked if I would nurse as long as my son) -- "Oh not likely" (Why not) --"I just don't love her as much."
The baby. The baby. The baby. (Using her name sounded foreign and occasionally I would call her by other names as well, just to see if maybe I simply named her wrong.)
This is a small example of things I said out loud. I loved my baby. She was perfect. But I was convinced she would be better off with a different mom or an elephant trainer, honestly.
The best thing I said out loud, was "this isn't right; I need help." But that's another story for another day.
Each walk is different, but we walk together, and that makes all the